Most of us are strangers to the concept of bride kidnapping. Unless you count the scene from “Borat” where the main character kidnaps Pamela Anderson, so he could marry her. In Romania, bride kidnapping is just a fun and harmless wedding custom: the groom’s friends “kidnap” the bride during the wedding party, then return it an hour later in exchange for a case of champagne. In other countries, things are far from being fun.

Bride kidnapping (or marriage by abduction) has been practiced in many countries throughout the history. Unfortunately, this primitive practice still takes place in at least 17 countries around the world. Back in the day, kidnappers were using horses, now they might use cars, but other than that not much has changed.

In Kyrgyzstan, a former Soviet Union country in Central Asia, bride abduction is still very common, in spite its illegality. It is estimated that between 68 and 75 percent of marriages in Kyrgyzstan involve bride kidnapping. Young girls are kidnapped in the middle of the street, while everyone else just watches and shrugs their shoulders. Even though the law punishes kidnapping with years in prison, it is not always enforced or victims and their families don’t have the courage to seek punishment.

15. Rape is often part of the kidnapping ritual

Although bride kidnappings are more common in Kyrgyzstan than anywhere else in the world, the problem is more serious in Rwanda, because the kidnapping is usually associated with a lot of violence. The victims are raped repeatedly until they get pregnant. This way, the brides have no choice but to stay with the kidnapper. In a country where abusers usually get away with violence and kidnapping, these cases are an everyday occurance.

17% of women in Rwanda encountered their first sexual experience against their will and 13% of women suffer sexual harrassment in public on a day to day basis.

Africa is not the only continent where bride kidnappings can be followed by rape. Pretty much every country that follows this tradition has faced such issues.

14. The groom’s family plays a big part in the kidnapping

This ridiculous tradition has been going on for so long, that for many young men it is natural that they follow in their fathers’ and grandfathers’ footsteps. Forget about evolving and leaving behind old-fashioned customs; young men want to respect the tradition. Or is it just an excuse for them to act like brutes?

The elders reminisce how they kidnapped their wives in their youth, while the spouses claim their captors turned out to be the love of their lives. If the son might have doubts about all this, his parents make sure to nudge him in the “right” direction. “Go ahead, son, your mother and I have been through this and look how great it all turned out!” But their help does not end here. Male members of the husband’s family participate in the actual kidnapping. Because this has to be as traumatic as possible for the young woman, so why not bring along several scary and aggressive men? Once the girl gets to the abductor’s home, the family starts pressuring her into marrying him. In some cases, their persuasion methods include threats and physical violence.

13. Kidnapping victims can’t handle the pressure

Being kidnapped is a very traumatic experience. Being kidnapped and forced to get married and spend the rest of your life with your abductor is even worse. No wonder there have many cases of suicide, following such kidnappings. Sometimes the young bride can’t bear the thought of a lifetime near a man she doesn’t know and doesn’t love and chose to make her his wife by force. In other cases, the bride manages to return to her family, but has a hard time living with the stigma. You see, the society they live in doesn’t do much to stop or condemn the kidnappings, but is sure quick to judge and point fingers at the victim.

There have been several cases in Kyrgyzstan where the kidnapped woman committed suicide. And while often the kidnapped women were allowed to go back to their families, but due to their pressure and the shame, they decided to end their life.

12. Fear of refusal

If she won’t willingly agree, we’ll force her to say “yes”. This seems to be the “philosophy” guiding the lives’ of many young men in Kyrgyzstan. They are basically a bunch of low-lives, with no self-confidence, afraid of being rejected, so they take matters in their own hands and decide to just kidnap the girl, to make sure they get to marry her. And since the law is hardly ever enforced, more and more cowards resort to this solution when it is time to find a wife.

Some might start by asking a girl to marry them, I’ll give them that, but a refusal doesn’t put an end to the story. Their next move is to get together with their friends and family members (the more, the better) and start planning the kidnapping. They follow the young girl while she is alone in the street, then shove her in a car and bring her to the groom’s family.

11. Many of the brides are underage

Girls as young as eleven are kidnapped in Ethiopia and forced into marriage. Most marriages in Ethiopia start with the kidnapping of the future bride. Unfortunately, that is not the worst thing an Ethiopian young woman goes through. The abductor rapes his victim until she becomes pregnant, at which point, he can claim her as his wife.
Asana, a 14-year-old from Somalia, was heading to the store when a black car pulled up and she was dragged inside. Her abductor turned out to be Mohamed Dahir, a leader of the terrorist group Al-Shabaab. Asana was locked up for over a month and beaten until she accepted to be his wife.

In Kyrgyzstan, 12% of the girls end up married before they turn 18.

10. First kidnapped, then abandoned

Maftuna (Kyrgyzstan) was 15 when her parents married her to an older man she had never met. Since she was very young and inexperienced, she wasn’t able to do a great job in bed, so her husband started beating her and cheating on her. They ended up getting a divorce, so Maftuna, then 18, found herself single with two children, living with her parents. She felt hopeless and broken because her country didn’t have much to offer to a divorced mother.

Kyrgyzstan’s minimum legal marriage age is 18, but many ceremonies are performed by Islamic clergy and are not registered with the state. And since the marriage is technically not legal, the wife cannot sue for alimony.

9. Stigma of being kidnapped

As is the case in several countries, the victim seems to be at fault for the shame brought to her. In the Republic of Georgia, if the woman is abducted and returns home, the relatives regard her with shame. In rural parts of the country, women are kidnapped and held captive for a night by men who want to marry them. Even if they are released the next day, a woman who spent the night with a man must either marry him or spend the rest of her life bearing the shame.

Gazbubu, a young woman from Kyrgyzstan, was kidnapped by one of her close male friends. The man had been pursuing her for a while, but since she wasn’t interested in marrying him, he decided to kidnap her with the approval of her family. The abductor agreed to let her go after she promised to marry him the next year. She had no intention of marrying him, but her relatives got very angry and accused her of bringing shame to the family.

8. Bride kidnapping in the U.S.A.?

Although this has nothing to do with the Kyrgyz tradition, there are kidnapping stories that are similar, since the abductor looked for a young victim that he could turn into a “wife”.
Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped in 1991 when she was only eleven years old. She was held captive for almost 18 years. But her abductor, Phillip Garrido, didn’t really need a bride because he was already married! His wife was an accomplice to this whole sick “arrangement”. Garrido raped the young girl numerous times and Jaycee became pregnant when she was thirteen and a half. Three years later, she had another baby.

This wasn’t Garrido’s first kidnapping. In 1976, he kidnapped 25-year-old Katherine Callaway and raped her for several hours. He received a 50-year federal sentence, but only spent about 11 years in prison. Once a psycho, always a psycho. It only took him 3 years to find his next victim.

7. College graduates forced into farm life

As bad as the Soviet Union was, certain things were better for young people in those times. The U.S.S.R. had implemented policies that guaranteed education, employment, daycare, and medical care for everyone. All that has changed. Aside from that, gender equality has been replaced with traditional gender roles. Young men can’t provide economic stability to their future spouses, or can’t even afford to pay the dowry (one more old-fashioned tradition they need to get rid of). So they use this as a pathetic excuse to kidnap a young woman and force her into marriage. And that is how well-educated women, with a college degree, getting ready to become lawyers or doctors, are kidnapped by poor mountain herdsmen and end up spending their lives raising sheep and cows. The custom dictates that the youngest son has to live with his family and his wife has to do all the household chores and take care of her in-laws.

These women might come from poor villages themselves, but want to create a better future for themselves and have career aspirations. Being forced into marriage usually puts an end to their dreams.

6. Common practice in some Roma (Gypsy) communities

In the Roma culture, girls get married as young as twelve. In most cases, the marriage is arranged between the two families and the bride and groom don’t really have a say in it. They also must marry someone who is also a Roma, usually from the same community. And even when it comes to older brides, certain details are of utmost importance, such as the bride’s virginity.

Since in many of these cases, both bride and groom are very young, the groom’s family is the one in charge of organizing the kidnapping. This tradition is still followed in Roma communities in England, Ireland, Bulgaria and Slovakia.

Roma customs require that the groom’s family pay a bride price to the girl’s family. When the groom’s family doesn’t want to pay the price or the bride’s family doesn’t agree with the wedding, they resort to kidnapping. Once the marriage takes place, the bride is often forced to abandon school and spend her time doing housework and raising children.
Narcisa, 15, was dreaming of becoming a pediatrician, but her parents disapproved: “No”, they said. “This is not the Gypsy way.”

5. A proof of manhood?

Some men can only prove their manhood by force. Such is the case in many countries where “traditional” roles are still an important part of the culture.

Kyrgyzstan is a patriarchal society and this tradition of kidnapping a potential bride was started by men to define their status and masculinity.

In Kenya, forced marriages are a serious issue, especially when it comes to young girls, while for men, a successful bridal kidnapping is great for the abductor’s reputation in the community.

4. “Every good marriage begins in tears.”

According to this old saying from Kyrgyz culture, you can’t have a good marriage unless you suffer a little to start with. This is not the only culture where tradition is used in a negative way, as an excuse to have an outrageous behavior. When these women are kidnapped, they might scream and cry, but no one cares. When they end up married to a man they barely know, they shed more tears, but their families tell them to suck it up. “It will get easier in time”, they are told.

Other samples of Kyrhgyz “wisdom” are even more absurd: “Women should be beaten every day”, some men have said. These women don’t have to worry about equal pay or discrimination at work. They are lucky if their new husband allows them to even get a job or finish school. They just want a minimum of respect. Is it too much to ask to be allowed to choose the man you want to spend the rest of your life with??

3. Leaving your husband is a no-go

Kulipa was a 19-year-old girl from Kyrgyzstan. She was kidnapped and trapped into an awful marriage with a violent man. When Kulipa couldn’t take it anymore, she decided to get a divorce, but her husband killed her. He was convicted for murder and is serving a jail sentence, but unfortunately that won’t bring poor Kulipa back and this is not an isolated situation.

Kyrgyzstan has a serious problem with domestic violence. Another victim of abuse recalled being insulted, having her head banged against the cement and being stabbed, before she finally had the courage to press charges.

In some cases, the abuse not only comes from the husband, but also from the in-laws, who often live with the young couple.

2. Living in fear

Can you imagine living your life in continuous fear? Instead of enjoying your teenage years and your youth, to have to worry about being kidnapped? In countries that follow these traditions, this is what young girls have to deal with. They are scared to leave the house, so they wouldn’t get kidnapped.

No man can be trusted and sometimes not even their own families, who may agree to the kidnapping. Nargiza from Kyrgyzstan was invited to a party by one of her classmates, but it turned out to be a lie. She was instead taken by force to his house, where both his parents and her own family tried to pressure her into accepting to get married. Isn’t it sad when you don’t even have your own family by your side?

Fear of kidnap is also a reason for the lower participation of girls in the education system.

1. Aftermath of a kidnapping

A survey conducted in Kyrgyzstan found that out of 268 kidnappings that resulted in marriage, 60 percent ended in divorce. Some women get used to the situation or even grow to love their husbands, while others never experience love and affection.

Kidnapped brides suffer from severe psychological distress as a result of the abuse they have been subjected to.

Another study found that babies born to kidnapped brides weighed 80 to 190 grams less than the ones born in arranged marriages, most likely due to maternal stress.

Women who have been kidnapped and abandoned, or managed to escape have to live their lives in isolation. Society makes them feel ashamed and worthless, the chances of them getting married again are close to zero, so it is not uncommon for them to resort to prostitution.