Many call it the “locker room talk” because the locker room is often the place where the nastiest conversations happen. It is the place where men confide with their buddies some of the nastiest things that they won’t spill out in the open. In there, the unspoken rule of “what you see and what you hear, when you leave, leave it here” is applied.

It is not only about nasty time in the bedroom. The locker room talk can revolve about many other things although sex is a primary topic. The talk can be about a strange rash in a weird location and they want to get their buddies’ “medical” opinion. It can also be about how weird their fart smells and they want to get their buddies’ diagnosis. It can also be about pervy fantasies that they won’t tell their lady friends because they will be called pigs.

Anyway, we listed here some of the nastiest conversations that only real men buddies will easily comprehend.

15. Poop Talk

Men like to be alphas. They want to make their dominance felt on almost about anything, even when making a deuce. Hence, they coined the term “battleshits”. Basically, it is a battle inside the restroom as to who had the best dump of their life. There are no rules, as long as dominance over the other person is made. As we all know men aren’t very shy when it comes to their bodily functions so it shouldn’t come as such a surprise that they would make a game out of going to the bathroom to do number two.

For men, everything is a battle to be won. Even taking a dump is a battle. They should do better than their buddies and sometimes they even fight over it.

Yes, how weird.

14. “Side A, Side B”

Some men are just so lazy that they don’t even want to do their laundry regularly. Lazy buddies will just often tell each other to do “side a, side b”. What is this thing? It’s using the inside of their briefs or boxers, then the next day, just flipping it over to use the other side. It is just as nasty as it sounds. Clearly who cares about hygiene as long as one side of the underwear is still useable.

What is worse is when they smell their underwear to check if they can still wear it for another day.

“Here, smell this. Can I still use the side B?”

13. Showering Only Once In Awhile

Not together, of course NOT! Real men don’t shower with other men and sometimes they don’t shower at all. They even talk about scheduling their shower so they can be more efficient without having to do it every day especially if they don’t have big plans up ahead. Sometimes, they even turn it into a contest as to who can go without a shower the longest until they stink. Although when they do decide to take a shower they make sure it is always the world’s shortest shower. Most men don’t have long hair like women so they don’t have to worry about long and arduous personal grooming. And you better believe that they take advantage of that by enjoying “quickie” showers.

Oh, boys will be boys and sometimes, men will be boys.

12. Different Use For pee

Inside the locker room, some of the nastiest conversations you can imagine can happen among men. One of the weirdest- yet they talk about it – is discussing the different uses of their pee.

Some men will claim that a stream of their pee can clean any toilet mess. There’s skid mark there, oh here’s my pee to clean it up.

They might even seriously argue if they will drink their pee if they get stuck in a rubble or in a desert somewhere. The different uses for pee is endless according to men and they will engage in long debates about it whenever they get the chance. Again, as mentioned before, men are very vocal and curious about their bodily functions and they are not shy about it.

Gross.

11. Different uses for their socks

Men literally wipe all their mess with their socks.

“The floor is wet, let’s wipe it off with the socks I’m wearing right now.”

“Beer got spilled on the counter, here’s my socks. Wipe it off.”

Sometimes, they even talk about the nastiest use they have had for their socks. They use it for the worse habits that they have, not just cleaning mess on the table or other surfaces, if you know what I mean. They say socks have the perfect friction for it. Have you glanced as a man’s socks lately? They are dingy and disgusting looking – even after they have just been washed in the washing machine.

10. Shaving it to make it look bigger

To impress the ladies, if you can’t make it bigger, you would want to at least make it look bigger. However, if you have no idea how to do this or if you are doing this for the first time, you will most likely ask your mates how to do it right and what to expect. You would not want to do it with the fear that you might cut it off or that you might die because of a massive blood loss. So, you ask your expert friends about it. Also, it may be helpful to ask them what are the best materials to use so it does not sting or hurt while doing it.

Do you need an electric shaver? Do you need to use a shaving cream? Can you do it alone or should you get help? These are some of the things you may want to get answers before actually giving it a haircut.

9. Sitting on your balls

Men don’t want to lose. They don’t want to feel defeated. However, when the unexpected happens, when they accidentally sit on their balls, that is one of worst feelings in the world. It is way worse than the feeling of defeat.

It is painful and it stings so bad. It feels like your body is working against you and you just basically want to die. No one understands the depth of this pain better than another fellow man – they are like each other’s support group whenever someone experiences the “blue balls.”

So, when men talk about the time they were completely defeated, they are most likely talking about this.

8. Smelling your balls

All men do this. They sit alone on the couch at home, feel comfortable while watching some sports show on the TV, and they start scratching and smelling their balls.

During locker room talks, they discuss this. They talk about how bad their balls smell. They also talk about how they can scratch their balls with subtlety when they are itchy even when there are lots of people around.

“Just scratch it like nobody’s looking,” the expert in the group would simply blurt out. So next time you notice a man closely hugging his woman’s purse in front of his pants you can take an educated guess as to what he is up to.

7. The art of subtlety when checking her out

When men appreciate beauty, they are often instantly called perverts. However, it is difficult not to take a second look when a thing of beauty (and sexiness) passes in front of them. Hence, to avoid getting called “pervs,” they have developed the art of subtlety when checking a woman out. Often, they discuss this among themselves and share secrets on how to be as subtle as possible with their closest friends. It may sound nasty but in a way, it also protects them. Checking other women out without looking like a creep is like an art and men like to discuss amongst themselves how to best achieve this skill. Of course, once they have checked out a woman that caught their eye they will describe her from head to toe to their buddies with every description available. The discussions can get quite rowdy.

To check her out is human, to be subtle about it is divine.

6. Cleaning the pipes before a big date

It is your first date with a hot girl. Of course, it is normal to be nervous. So, what do you do? You tell your friends about it and ask them for their suggestions to get rid of being nervous so you don’t mess up the date.

The unanimous suggestion: clean the pipes.

All men do this. They rub one out before a big date so they won’t feel nervous at all. In a way, it works because during the date, since he isn’t thinking of getting her to bed anymore, he will be more confident and more real about himself during the date. It is a surefire way to calm himself dow before he has to go meet his hot date.

5. Boners in public

Men struggle with unwanted boners all the time. It is just a physical reaction that they can’t control most of the time but they are judged as being immoral when they have one. So, some of the nastiest conversations they have are how to do away with unwanted boners especially when in public places.

Some men will teach their buddies the chants they sing in their heads to make it go away. They will also tell them to think of non-sexual yet disgusting things, like picturing their grandma naked. It is an embarrassing physical phenomenon that women can easily get away with, but men have to be very careful about.

Hard-ons are really hard to have especially unwanted ones.

4. Peeing with a boner

The morning wood is a daily struggle for many. When you wake up with a hard-on and you need to go to the bathroom really bad, it is actually a tough challenge to do so.

How do you win this challenge? You talk it out with the experts and ask them how they do it. Most likely, they will tell you of the strange toilet positions you can do to relieve yourself in the morning. The superman way of peeing is a favourite of many. Hence, if you hear men say, “superman your way,” you definitely know what they mean.

It’s not only the morning wood that is a struggle. This also helps if you’re in the middle of love-making and you have to go really bad with a hard-on. Superman it!

3. Peeing in the shower

Women will deny that they ever do this but men are a different breed. They even take pride for doing it. Not only do they talk about this in the locker room, sometimes even outside of it. Men have some kind of understanding when they talk about this and they strongly believe that this is an efficient way to multitask – you pee and you shower without getting out of the shower. They even try to convince their partners that it is efficient so why not do it. And if you have to go, just go is their motto!

Why not? Because it’s disgusting.

2. Warm apple pie

“Just like a warm apple pie.”

Who doesn’t know about that iconic line on American Pie? I bet a lot of guys tried it after that. Aside from the warm apple pie, men definitely talk about the weirdest things they have stuck their pole in just to get that sensation. They probably brag about the riskiest things they did to rub one out. Most of all, they probably suggest different things they can use with their bros. Outside of apple pies we wonder what other food types are used for their curious minds.

So, next time you hear one of them say, “Just tell your mom, we ate it all,” just know that they may be referring to more than one of their voracious appetites.

1. “Red Wings” medal of honour

She is on her monthly period but you are a warrior and you know how to treat your lady despite anything. So, you still go down on her without hesitations. You don’t make her feel bad about it as if you really want to do it. You get her satisfied and in the end, you earn your “red wings” medal of honour.

It is a tough job but you get it done. For the unfamiliar, they ask their buddies on how to do it right. However, most will just say, “man up and do it!”

Essentially, it is just like going for a dive in the sea, don’t breathe when you are down under.