Why do men cheat? We’ve heard this question again and again, we’ve seen it in every women’s magazine. What about women? Why do they cheat? Do women cheat more than men? Do they cheat for different reasons? And who cheated first? The man or the woman? For decades (or maybe centuries) men have been accused of not being able to stay monogamous. But things are changing. If you think about it, there’s a chance you might know more women cheaters than men. Studies show that since the 1990s the rate of married women who admitted of having cheated on their spouse has increased by 40%. As far as men are concerned, the rate has stayed the same. Crazy, right?

So what makes women cheat? More importantly, what makes happily married women cheat or think about cheating? Maybe people are not as happy as they look? We’ve all seen those perfect pictures on social media, where the whole family wears matching clothes, they have huge smiles and they look like they are the cast of a Hallmark movie. But the reality behind those pictures, is not always pretty. Some couples insist on keeping the appearances and try really hard to convince everyone they are happy and they live a perfect life. Have you ever wondered what dirty little secrets might hide behind those pictures? Time to find out what some of these women are really thinking (and doing!)

15. The midlife crisis

If you thought midlife crisis was just something men go through when they decide to buy an expensive sports car and start dating much younger women, think again. It’s more than that and it happens to women as well. Just as men often cheat while going through this confusing stage of their lives, so do women. Women can feel confused too. Maybe they’re lost, lonely, insecure, or they feel like they need a big change in their lives. Some women tend to socialize more than usual and spend their time with their single or divorced friends, they start going to parties and spend less time at home. Others want to explore new things, travel more, meet new people, and seem to want different things than their partners, so they start pulling in different directions. It’s like Eat, Pray, Love, out of the sudden. She wants to explore the world, be more spiritual, and maybe fall in love again.

The kids are older and they are all settled in, she and her husband have a good life together, but something is still missing. Many couples are faced with this problem when she wants to go out and have fun; but he is more comfortable staying home, in front of the TV. So she goes on to have fun without him. She discovers there’s a whole new world out there that she didn’t even know existed! Recent research shows that wives file for divorce more often than husbands, and most of them confess they are happier divorced than they were when married.

14. Polyamory

This seems to be just another one of those things associated with millennials, but the concept has been around longer than them. While it is not very simple to define it in clear terms, what you need to know is this involves having more than one intimate (and loving) relationship at the same time, and all the partners involved are aware of it and agree with the whole arrangement.

So we have a couple who is happily married, but in spite of that, they want to try something new because they have so much love to offer. They enjoy being with and around other people and flirting, and decide that loving just one person is simply not their thing. Polyamory makes a lot of sense since it’s just not just about the intimate actions. This might be more appealing to women, since most of them need to have an emotional connection before they start a new intimate relationship.

Statistics say that about 4-5% of Americans are looking for love and intimacy outside their relationship and with the approval of their partner. The same stats also show that polyamorous people are usually highly-educated, with master’s and doctoral degrees, but they are not very healthy. They are focused on accumulating new experiences, rather than material goods.

13. The Need For A Friend

Sometimes an affair starts with something as innocent as needing a friend, someone to talk to. Maybe the husband is away often or he works a lot, comes home tired and doesn’t have time or energy to listen to his wife talk about her day, or even about important issues. This gets old after a while and women need to talk, to communicate, share their thoughts and feelings. When there is no girlfriend available, a male friend will do. Especially when he can offer the only thing her husband can’t: he listens. One thing leads to another and before they know it, they are having an affair. Things get even more complicated when the male friend is actually the husband’s best friend. That happens more often than you’d think! But things get even dirtier than that. A survey conducted in Ireland a few years ago, showed that two thirds of Irish women who are thinking about cheating would consider having an affair with their best friend’s partner or husband.

12. Mixed Orientation Marriages

The majority of mixed orientation marriages (about 80%) end up in divorce, but about 20% manage to stay together and make the marriage work. How does that happen? The two have always been really good friends, they make a great team, they communicate well and enjoy doing the same things (well, at least most of them). They respect each other and they even say they love each other (perhaps in a friendly way). In order to make it work, they both agree on an open marriage. They each have a separate relationship, that fulfills their needs, but in spite of that, they would much rather stay married to each other.

There is one more reason such couples chose to stay together instead of pursuing ultimate happiness: religion. This might come as a surprise to many, but the LDS church might be one of the most permissive churches around. Their website has a whole section, “Mormon and Gay” with numerous stories of gay members.

11. Free Love!

Do you remember “Wanderlust” with Jennifer Anniston and Paul Rudd? Pretty funny, right? Linda and George seemed to be an average young couple, with average problems in every day America (you know… both out of work and forced to sell their house and move in with family), but still in love in spite of it all. They end up in a hippie commune, where free love is practiced and strongly encouraged, and decide to give this lifestyle a try for two weeks, although Linda doesn’t seem sold on it. Well, you can guess what happens. Free love is not only encouraged, but also a requirement for anyone who wants to stay. Linda becomes more and more comfortable in this environment and is even open to the whole idea of sleeping with another partner. George, on the other hand, is having second thoughts. Long story short, Linda ends up doing it with one of the guys in the commune, while George decides to stay faithful.

There are such communes all over the world and the concept is very appealing to many. In some, just like the one above, free love is encouraged, but monogamous relationships are frowned upon. Other places, like Hacienda Villa, a intimacy-positive intentional community in Brooklyn, welcomes both monogamous people and polyamorous ones. They believe in respecting everyone’s needs and boundaries, while still indulging your desires.

10. Open Marriages

Are open marriages really a thing? You betcha. And they work great for some! The main difference between a poly-amorous relationship and an open marriage is that the first focuses on love and emotional attachment, while the latter is mostly about physical gratification. Each couple plays the marriage game by their own rules. Some couples think occasional one-night-stands are perfectly ok, but emotional involvement is not. The thing about these relationships is that you have to be upfront with your partner from the very beginning and share the same views. You don’t just get married and then suddenly pop the question: “How do you feel about open marriages?” If the partner isn’t into it (which is very likely), he will feel very offended, hurt and will probably even start doubting his wife and often wonder whether she is cheating or not.

It’s very hard for many to grasp this particularly unusual concept. After all, jealousy is part of the human nature. How do you feel at peace with your wife sleeping with other men? Larry King and his wife Shawn King are just one of the many Hollywood couples that have a successful marriage in spite of (or maybe it’s for this very reason) each of them having an occasional affair on the side. So far, this marriage has lasted longer than any of Larry’s eight previous marriages, so they must be doing something right.

9. For Better or For Worse?

The classic vow doesn’t seem to mean much to people these days. It has become more like “for better or until I find someone better”. Some people simply can’t be monogamous. Not for a lifetime, at least. There are even scientists who claim that monogamy isn’t “natural” for humans, which doesn’t mean that it can’t be done, but it might explain why it comes so hard for many. In spite of this, people still get married and vow to stay together forever. Maybe they really believe it and you have to give them credit for trying.

Let’s take Jenny from the Block, for example. J. Lo has been around the block quite a few times. She first married Cuban waiter Ojani Noa, and although the marriage lasted a little less than a year, the problems that followed the divorce lasted a lot longer. She later married former back-up dancer Cris Judd and that didn’t last very long either. Instead of taking it easy, Jenny immediately jumped into a new relationship with Ben Affleck, to whom she got engaged only a few months after her divorce. A day prior to their wedding, the couple canceled their plans and a few months later they broke up. Another 6 months later, Jennifer marries her old friend Marc Anthony. This time the relationship lasted a lot longer. It wasn’t until 2011 that they announced they would split up and the divorce finalized in 2014. We don’t know for sure what exactly happened in any of these relationships and if there was any cheating (supposedly she cheated and was cheated on more than once) or if any of it was J. Lo’s fault, but it sure seems she doesn’t have much luck when it comes to men.

Elizabeth Taylor wasn’t made for monogamy, either. She was married eight times, lost one husband, had an affair with a married man, whom she later married and then cheated on the same husband with her next one, Richard Burton, whom she married and divorced twice.

8. The Chemistry of Happiness

Some women are addicted to romance. For them, there is no such thing as too much romance. Whether it’s a new Hallmark series, a soap opera, or maybe a romance novel, they get so engaged, and their bodies start releasing endorphins and adrenaline, hence the addiction. They follow the stories closely, get very involved and invested, to the point where fiction and fantasy almost become their reality.

You know that feeling you get when you meet someone new and there is a very strong connection and physical attraction? The butterflies in your stomach? They have a lot to do with chemical reactions in your body. Endorphins are opioid chemicals produced by the central nervous system and pituitary gland during strenuous physical exertion, intercourse and completion. Dopamine is another neurochemical that is associated with mate selection. Some say it’s responsible for our secret desires and fantasies and sinful behaviors, for lust, addiction and adultery. Artist Vaughn Bell once called it the Kim Kardashian of molecules, so you get the picture. Dopamine triggers the release of oxytocin, which is released during touching. While the other chemicals might lead to infidelity, oxytocin is the reason why one-night stands are more difficult for women. It is what makes women look for a relationship, a connection, emotional bonding, even when they are already married to someone else. And last, but not least, we have testosterone; which is not only found in men, but in women, as well. It is responsible for our intimate desires and also helps people get the necessary courage to cheat.

7. Lack of Romance

Like I said earlier, women look for a connection above anything else. Their life might be close to perfect, but it might be lacking romance. When you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to get lost in mundane activities and every day life and forget about little things that might make your partner happy. Maybe she still gets expensive gifts every Christmas and for her birthday, but it’s things she asked for, just to make sure she was heard loud and clear. But what about their marriage anniversary? He keeps forgetting about it. Men have a hard time remembering important dates (even when they are very good with numbers). What about flowers for no particular reason or occasion? What about a surprise gift? Something she didn’t ask for, but she would really love. Her partner is, of course, supposed to know what she secretly wants, because he always listens when she talks and remembers every single conversation they have. So when she doesn’t get that gift that she wanted, but never really mentioned, she is a bit disappointed. She also expects breakfast in bed for her birthday, but again, she never says anything and she gets all mopey when that doesn’t happen. All these things could probably be solved with better communication. Instead, she starts thinking about romance… with another man.

6. Arranged Marriages

This weird tradition is still being followed in many places around the world, and India is one of them. In these cases, the future bride and groom don’t really have a say in it and it is all decided by their families. It’s all about money, status, power, financial stability, even color of the skin. Happiness? Love? Well, these things don’t matter. They should be happy as long as they marry whomever their parents chose for them. There are some women that really do believe they are happy. I mean this is how things have been done for generations. That’s how their mothers and grandmothers did it, so it must not be that bad. If the husband has a great job, buys her lots of jewelry, is nice to her, maybe that’s all that matters. But things are changing even in traditional societies. Even women from arranged marriages end up having affairs. As long as they are discrete and keep up appearances, it is something they have to do to feel truly happy and fulfilled. Divorce is out of the question, so an affair seems like a good compromise.

The website cheating-married.com has a whole section dedicated to India cheaters. Those interested in dating a married Indian man or woman, simply sign up for a free account and instantly get access to hundreds of thousands of Indian people looking for an affair. Easy peasy.

5. The Young and The Innocent

I for one think getting married when you’re very young is pretty insane. But that’s just me! Sure, it works great for some, but many of these marriages end up in divorce. Not that getting married in your 30s is a guarantee you’ll have a long, happy marriage. Now recent studies are saying the same thing: those who marry young are very likely to get divorced. And the same studies say that the best age for marriage is somewhere between 28 and 32. Also, divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s.

There is a time and an age for everything. When you’re young, you should focus on college, career, maybe have a little fun, or party a lot, if that’s your thing. Travel, explore the world, meet a lot of people and learn what you like and don’t like; discover yourself and figure out what it is that you want from life. How can you possibly know all this when you’re just 19? Many young women straight out of high-school think they found the love of their life. Never mind that it’s the first serious relationship they ever had and have no idea that marriage is more than having a high-school sweetheart. Many have this fairy tale fantasy and have been dreaming of being brides and mothers ever since they can remember. And then reality kicks in. There are many factors that cause these marriages to fail, such as getting married for the wrong reasons or financial problems. But even when things are still going good and the two appear happy, temptation can still appear. Especially when she has only been in love with one man and suddenly someone else shows up and sweeps her off her feet.

4. The Age Gap Between Spouses

But they are not really a happy couple, you will say. Oh yes, they are. He has the hot, young wife and she gets the money and the glamorous life. Sure, she is in love with his money more than she is in love with him, but the arrangement seems to work just fine. Some of these women have done a great job at convincing themselves (and even those around them) that they are truly happy and in love. They are really good at faking it, they suffer and cry with intensity after each fight, but it’s not the man they are afraid to lose, it’s the $$$.

According to several studies, the bigger the age gap, the shorter the marriage. A five-year age gap (which seems pretty insignificant) makes the marriage 18% more likely to end in divorce, while a 20-year gap is equal to a 95% chance of failed marriage.

But how long can money keep you happy? 5, 10, 15 years? How long can these women be happy with just money and how long before they realize they need a man they are actually attracted to? After all, she is still young and attractive, while he starts to get wrinkled and saggy. The tiniest mistake can cost her millions. She could lose everything, so she has to be extra careful. Some might get away with an occasional affair, but most times these stories don’t end well.

Of course, there are always exceptions and couples who don’t play by any rules. Crystal Harris (31) was married to Hugh Hefner for 5 years before he died, at the age of 91. According to media, Crystal had signed a prenup and is not in his will, so she won’t be inheriting a dime out of Hefner’s $43 million dollar fortune.

3. The Need to Feel Attractive

There comes a time when both men and women (no matter how many times they are told by their partner they are attractive), want to know they still got it. It seems that reassurance from the partner is not always enough, so we need other people to tell us we are attractive. It’s just how things work. Of course, her partner thinks she is beautiful… he probably wouldn’t be married to her if he didn’t. But when another man flirts with her and finds her attractive, well… something happens. It’s just another chemical reaction. All those neurochemicals mentioned earlier start to disappear after you’ve been married for a number of years. For some women, the partner’s attention is no longer enough, while in other cases, they don’t get enough attention and they don’t feel attractive anymore. The thing about us, women, is we need constant reassurance, even when we have a very high self-esteem. It just feels good. Settling into a routine and neglecting your partner doesn’t. So a new man’s appearance in her life might be just what she needs, in order to feel attractive and desired again. Even if she doesn’t have an actual affair with him and it all resumes to flirting, it is very likely that cheating has crossed her mind at least once.

2. Husband Travels A Lot

She is a stay-at-home mom of three beautiful children, and he has a very well-paid job, that helps support the family, but he has to travel a lot. They are happy and love each other, but being away from each other so often can put a strain on the marriage. She is always at home, taking care of the kids, doing homework, household chores, doesn’t have the time or means to have a social life anymore. So when the opportunity arises, she just goes for it. It might be that cute single dad from the kids’ school, who understands her, can relate to her loneliness and becomes her confident, her friend, and later more than just a friend.

But traveling and being far from your partner goes both ways. Just like some men have affairs and one-night stands while traveling for business/work, the same can happen to women. It’s like being on vacation. She is relaxed, away from family, from all the small everyday problems and one evening, after a long day of work, she is sitting at the hotel bar (I know, what a cliché), a tall handsome guy offers to buy her a drink and well, you know how this story ends. So basically being away from your husband too often and for too long usually doesn’t end very well.

1. An Age of Entitlement

In his book, “The subtle art of not giving a f***”, Mark Manson says: “the problem with entitlement is that it makes people need to feel good about themselves all the time, even at the expense of those around them.” Isn’t that true? Most people who cheat have one thing in common: a sense of entitlement. Cheaters always look for excuses and justifications (sometimes pretty absurd) to blame their partner for their behavior. People with entitlement tendencies either feel they deserve only good things in their life or they constantly blame all bad things on other people / external factors. They take 100% credit for everything good that happens to them and no responsibility for bad things. They keep track of all their partner’s mistakes and hold them accountable or punish them… by cheating. “I deserve to be happy I’ll do whatever it takes”. Other women think cheating is just fine, as long as the partner doesn’t find out: “What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him”. While others claim that cheating isn’t really cheating if it doesn’t involve love. If it’s just a physical thing, it doesn’t mean anything and it shouldn’t count.