There’s no doubt about it — relationships are definitely hard work, at times. Yes, if your relationship constantly feels like a chore that you need to be working at day and night, there’s a pretty good chance that your partner may just not be the right match for you. However, even if you’re with your total soul mate, you still have to work at it from time to time to avoid neglecting your partner or taking them for granted. After all, if you love your partner, you want them to feel special and loved and appreciated, right?

And, while relationships are hard work, breaking up can seem like torture. It’s awkward, you know that the other person will likely be hurt, and it’s just a whole situation that most people would rather avoid whenever possible. That’s one of the reasons many people hang on to a relationship and don’t initiate that much needed break-up, even if they’ve totally checked out. Sometimes, if you sense that your partner just isn’t willing to do what needs to be done, you have to do it yourself.

Here are 15 signs she’s checked out of the relationship and isn’t paying attention to it — and that you probably need to move on and find someone who isn’t checked out.

15. Your love life just isn’t the same anymore, if you know what we mean

Look, we’re not going to lie — while intimacy certainly isn’t the only factor in a relationship, it is definitely a very important factor. After all, you have close relationships with your friends where you get a lot of the same benefits as you get with your partner — a romantic relationship is different because there’s a lot more physical intimacy involved. Now, couples may go through certain periods where things get a little less spicy because life gets a lot more crazy, and that’s expected. However, if it feels like your love life has taken a complete 180 in the bedroom, that’s a big sign that your partner has checked out — intimacy with you just isn’t even registering on her mental map, and that should never be the case in a romantic relationship.

14. She doesn’t bring up the things that bug her (it’s not a good sign!)

Okay, we’re going to clarify here. If your partner is the type of person who is constantly complaining about everything you do and nit picking every last detail and seems set on trying to change every aspect of your personality, that’s a definite issue. You want someone who appreciates you for you. However, this is a subtle sign that she’s checked out. If she always used to hassle you about putting the empty milk jug back in the fridge or leaving the toilet seat up, and hasn’t been mentioning those things lately even though you’ve been doing it, it may be a sign that she’s sort of given up, checked out, and doesn’t even register those things that used to fire her up. And that’s definitely not what you want.

13. She takes forever to reply to any texts or call you back

If your partner has the type of job where she’s not always able to access her phone during the workday, or you know she’s busy somewhere and likely isn’t checking her phone, that’s one thing. However, in this day and age, most of us have our smart phones close to us for the majority of our day. So, if you find that she’s taking forever to respond to every single message, even when you know she’s just hanging out at home or sitting at her desk with her phone right beside her, that’s a big sign that texting you back just isn’t a priority. Back in the early stages of your relationship, you were probably texting all the time — so this is a big sign that she may have checked out.

12. She never makes any room for you in her schedule

It may be true that your partner is legitimately just a very busy person, balancing work and life and family and hobbies and all the things in between. However, here’s the real truth — people make time for the things that matter to them. Sure, if your schedule is insane, it may not be that much time, but almost anyone can carve out an hour or two to meet someone important for a coffee, or chat a bit on the phone. If your partner is always too busy to spend time with you, don’t feel bad for being second place to everything else on her schedule. Take notice — it’s a sign that she’s no longer making you a priority in her life, and thus, that she’s likely checked out of that relationship.

11. She’s not that affectionate

This is kind of like having an issue with intimacy in the bedroom, although on a much more casual scale. Listen, everyone has a different level of tolerance when it comes to things like PDA. Some people are more than happy to get all gushy and touchy-feely in public, and other people are much more reserved. However, if your partner refuses to even hold your hand in public, if she doesn’t even brush your arm from time to time when she’s talking or make contact with you in any way, that’s a sign that she may have checked out. Couples who are totally in love and connected may not be big on PDA, but they’ll usually have a few little touches throughout the day because they want to be close with one another as much as possible.

10. She doesn’t really seem to care about your day, where you’re going, who you’re with, etc.

We know, we know — you can definitely spill about your day or some drama at work to your BFF when you see her next. However, there’s just something about being able to talk to your partner about your day, and if you love them, you should be excited to hear about their trials and victories throughout the day as well. So, if your partner seems insanely bored whenever you’re trying to talk about your day, or if she doesn’t seem to care whatsoever if you’ll be home after work or if you’re heading out for some happy hour drinks with your crew, that’s a big sign that she’s checked out. If you love someone, you care about them and what they do — that’s just life, and a partner who doesn’t care is a red flag.

9. She gets annoyed super easily

Like we said, breaking up is definitely a difficult, uncomfortable thing to do, which means a lot of people will put it off until the feel ready to make that move. That means there are often people who have checked out of their relationship and are planning a break-up, but just haven’t gotten up the nerve to actually go through with it — which means that while their partner may still be totally in love and oblivious, they’re slowly getting driven up the wall by every little word and gesture that grates on their nerves. When you’re in love with someone, you see them with rose-colored glasses and are often willing to overlook things that may annoy other people — or, perhaps you’ve learned to find those little quirks charming. When you’ve checked out, though? All those annoying things about your partner start to grate on your nerves constantly.

8. She flirts or behaves like she’s single when she’s out

Everyone is different, and some people just have a slightly more flirtatious personality than others. That’s just part of being different and unique. However, if your partner formerly only had eyes for you when you went out for drinks or to dinner, and is suddenly flirting with every male that comes her way, that’s a tremendous warning sign that she’s checked out of the relationship. Even if you’re not around and she’s just hanging with her girls, women who are in a happy relationship aren’t scouting for other options. Women who have checked out see their partner as an annoying ball and chain, and are more than happy to pretend to be single for an evening, or flirt their tail off to see what other options are out there for them.

7. She doesn’t even bother fighting with you anymore

We’re definitely not advocating for fighting — if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re battling every single day, that’s a sign you’re in a totally toxic relationship. However, from time to time, every healthy couple fights — it’s often a way of communicating, a way of trying to get across that there’s an issue in your relationship that needs to be resolved and you’re willing to work on it. If your partner seems to shrug off every fight or just respond with a neutral response, that’s not necessarily a sign that your partner is just so chill she can’t bring herself to raise her voice. It’s a sign that she’s checked out and just doesn’t think that having a fight is worth the effort — she doesn’t want to fight about anything, she doesn’t want to work on your relationship, none of that.

6. She seems to avoid spending time with you

Just think about every time you’ve made an excuse because you didn’t want to go somewhere, or hang out with a certain group of people. Now, if your partner starts throwing those kinds of excuses at you, that’s a big sign that she’s checked out of the relationship. No one is saying that couples need to spend every waking moment together — you certainly should both still have your individual lives and passions and pursuits. However, spending time with your partner should be a pleasant addition to your life, something you look forward to pencilling into your schedule, not something that is a huge chore you have to suffer through. If you get the vibe that your partner just isn’t having fun when you’re together, and doesn’t seem thrilled about spending time together, she’s probably checked out.

5. She doesn’t talk about your future together

Every couple has a different path and speed — perhaps you see kids in your future within the next year, and perhaps you don’t want to walk down the aisle for another decade. Everyone moves at their own pace, and that’s totally fine. However, people in a happy relationship often talk about their future together, even if it’s as simple as where you’ll spend the next holiday season, or whether or not you should look into finding a new rental that you both like more. If your partner doesn’t want to talk about a future that includes you, ever, we’ve got some bad news — that’s probably a sign that she doesn’t really see a future with you in it, and that she’s checked out. You deserve the kind of partner who makes you a big part of their future, whatever that may entail.

4. She doesn’t want to talk about your relationship

Look, even the best of relationships take work sometimes — fusing your life together with another person’s isn’t always the easiest thing in the world. And we know there’s a stereotype that women are the ones who constantly want to talk about where a relationship is at, but it’s a two way street. If you’re invested in your relationship, you should be willing to put in that effort and do a little work from time to time. If your partner doesn’t want to talk about problems in your relationship, and avoids any kind of hard conversations like that, it’s a sign that she’s likely checked out and just doesn’t want to deal with putting in the time and effort for something she isn’t passionate about. And you deserve someone who wants to talk and work and make your relationship the best it could possibly be, period.

3. She prefers solo nights to date nights — always

Everyone deserves a little time for self-care — it’s an important part of being a happy, healthy, fulfilled person. After all, you can’t give your love and attention to other things and people if you’re run totally ragged all the time. So, if your partner wants to skip date night in order to spend an evening pampering herself a little, that’s okay. From time to time, that is. If your partner would rather go see a movie solo than see one with you, if she’d prefer to sip a latte undisturbed rather than have you at the table next to her, etc., that’s a big red flag that she’s checked out of the relationship. Solo nights are important, but they shouldn’t constantly be the more preferable way to spend an evening than date night.

2. She doesn’t factor your relationship into potential life decisions, like moving to a new city

If your relationship has reached a certain level, you without question have to factor your partner into any big decisions you make in your life, such as whether or not you’ll move to a different city for a job, etc. At the end of the day, you’re free to make the decision that’s best for you, even if that means your relationship takes a toll, but your partner is someone who should be a factor in making that decision. If someone is checked out of a relationship, though, they don’t view that relationship as any kind of barrier or consideration in their plans — it just doesn’t register in their mind when they’re musing. So, if your partner mentions that she might be moving to a different city for a job, and doesn’t really seem to care what your opinion on that is, it’s a sign that she’s probably planning to leave you behind.

1. She talks about dating other people or having an open relationship

Okay, there’s a bit of a caveat here. If you’ve discussed having an open relationship and you’re both more than happy about the idea, hey — do you. Everyone is different when it comes to their relationship, and for some people, monogamy just doesn’t work. However, if you thought everything was going fine and you were the perfect duo, and all of a sudden your partner starts talking about open relationships, take note — it may be a sign that they were too nervous to express their desires at the beginning of your relationship, sure, but it may also be a sign that they’re looking to explore their other options because they’re checked out of their relationship with you. It could be that your partner is literally just about asking for permission to start seeing other people without having to go through the uncomfortable task of breaking up with you.

Sources: bolde.com, bustle.com, madamenoire.com