So what does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

It’s not as straightforward as it seems and it can be expressed in different ways. Someone who is emotionally unavailable may find it hard expressing their feelings or reaching out to others, and this could be due to a traumatic experience in their past.

Emotionally unavailable people don’t fit into one category, of course. There are different types of unavailability: temporary and permanent. Although being emotionally unavailable is usually associated with men, women are just as capable of having the same traits.

Often, when someone has been hurt or mistreated, they put their walls up as a defense mechanism and it’s hard for anyone to get close once that happens. Others become emotionally unavailable temporarily while they put various commitments above their relationship.

In the early stages of the relationship, you probably won’t notice any of the signs. You’re in the “getting to know you” stage and strong feelings haven’t been developed yet.

Dating someone who is emotionally unavailable can be exhausting, and you run the risk of falling in love with someone who might never love you back.

In this article, we’ll be taking a closer look at the 15 signs you’re dating an emotionally unavailable woman.

15. She’s not interested in getting to know you

Whenever there’s an opportunity for you to get more intimate (emotionally, that is) she becomes withdrawn. Sure, she will show an interest in the sexual side of things, but the connection will not run deeper than that.

It’s likely that she doesn’t see you in her future, and therefore she will make little effort in getting to know you better. And it’s not just you that she has a problem connecting with – it’s the fear of opening up to people.

What you have right now is temporary fun and that’s exactly how she wants it to stay. But if you want something serious, then you should probably look elsewhere.

14. She’s hard to read

An emotionally unavailable person will constantly confuse you with their mixed messages. One minute they seem sure of their feelings, and the next, they are cold and distant.

Sometimes, they struggle to understand their own wants and needs. But they have an even harder time trying to communicate this because of their fear of opening up.

It’s hard for you to know where you stand in a situation like this, and it might feel like you’re being strung along. Will she ever be ready to commit to you? When you’re dating an emotionally unavailable woman, you’ll always be second-guessing.

Sadly, the longer you stay in the relationship, the more mentally draining it will be for you.

13. She doesn’t open up

When it comes to talking about feelings, she will avoid it any cost. It’s a sensitive topic for someone who is emotionally unavailable because they struggle to acknowledge how they’re feeling most of the time.

Opening up to you puts her in a vulnerable position, and suddenly, it feels like a therapy session rather than a conversation between two people who are romantically involved.

Even when you try opening up to this woman about your feelings on the relationship, she doesn’t take the hint. If you start feeling like it’s one-sided, it’s because your emotional needs are being neglected.

Ask yourself, can you stay with someone who isn’t capable of giving you what you need? It might be time to call it quits.

12. She wants to keep the relationship casual

There are many advantages to maintaining a “casual” relationship, but the main benefit is the no-commitment rule. Keeping a casual approach to things means that she can continue seeing you without feeling like she owes you anything. Her actions will tell you all you need to know. If she disappears from one day to the next and ignores your messages but suddenly becomes available when it’s convenient for her, it’s very clear that she’s not that interested.

And if she communicated from the beginning that she’s not looking for a serious relationship, then you probably won’t change her mind on this one.

11. She doesn’t like confrontation

Emotionally unavailable people will run at the first sign of trouble. Have you noticed that your arguments usually go unresolved? Does she run and hide instead of talking to you? The problem is she doesn’t know how to deal with conflict, so she chooses to ignore it.

And what does that say about your relationship? It doesn’t look good. If she’s scared of confrontation already, then your relationship won’t withstand any problems you’ll face in the near-future.

Ultimately, conflict doesn’t get solved on its own. You can’t keep on ignoring it – you have to work through it together. If she’s not at least meeting you halfway, then it’s not going anywhere.

10. She doesn’t consider your feelings

Does she ever ask you how you’re feeling? Does she consider your own needs? If not, that’s a major red flag.

An emotionally unavailable person can easily be mistaken for a narcissist as they do share similar traits. Narcissists think mostly of themselves, and often don’t take other people’s feelings into consideration. In their head, the world revolves around them and anything else is insignificant.

However, someone who is emotionally absent isn’t necessarily self-absorbed. Perhaps she finds it difficult connecting with you on a personal level, so she simply overlooks your feelings.

It’s worth taking into consideration that no two emotionally unavailable people are the same.

9. She’s still in love with her ex

Naturally, if she still has feelings for her ex, she’s not going to be ready to commit to you yet. Her heart is still with someone else, and she hasn’t quite moved on yet.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if she’s just recently got out of a relationship, then you are possibly a rebound.

Pay attention to the way she talks about her ex. Does she find a way to mention their name in every conversation? That’s a very clear sign that her heart is not with you.

Unfortunately, it looks like she’s not looking for anything serious, and if you’re not on the same page then it isn’t going to work out for either of you.

8. She doesn’t like face-to-face conversations

Although emotionally unavailable people love the physical side to the relationship, they hate sitting down and having real conversations. Usually, they prefer to communicate through texting, because they can carefully construct their sentences and easily hide their emotions. Technology gives them control, and that’s something they crave.

You’ll probably notice that she rarely makes eye contact when you’re talking and will probably avoid initiating any kind of emotional intimacy. By creating a barrier between you, it prevents her from getting too close and possibly being hurt again. However, talking is an important part of a relationship and if she’s not going to at least try and open up, then sadly, there’s nothing you can do to change her mind.

7. She doesn’t compromise

Do you always feel like you have to go the extra mile to make the relationship work? Even though she would expect you to be there for her when it matters the most, she’s never around when you need her. It’s not balanced. She’s making you do all of the work while she takes the backseat.

Relationships are about compromise – that’s simply how it works. But that word clearly isn’t part of her vocabulary. While you’re willing to make sacrifices and makes changes to your schedule just to convenience her, she never returns the favor. There’s definitely a lack of emotional maturity on her part.

6. She lacks empathy

Sometimes, it can be difficult to see the distinction between an emotionally unavailable person and a narcissist because the traits overlap.

Narcissists have a lack of empathy and compassion for others, and they seem to live in their own version of “reality” instead of seeing the world for what it is.

Emotionally unavailable people struggle with the concept of empathy because they have trouble connecting and sympathizing with others. They can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes.

Being in a relationship with someone who lacks empathy can be frustrating. You want to make your partner understand how you’re feeling, but sadly, she can’t give you the emotional reassurance that you need.

5. She loses her temper

Do you hear that voice telling you to run? You should probably listen to it.

We all lose our temper sometimes, but it’s how we react to it that is most important. If she’s getting angry and taking it out on you, then she has more problems than you realize. Emotionally unavailable people often struggle with controlling their emotions. They either feel nothing or feel everything all at once – the latter can be like an explosion.

Not only are these moods unpredictable, it also puts you in a situation where you feel like you don’t know how to act around her to avoid another outburst.

4. She wants to be in control

Being in control is very important to her. She craves it. And if she’s not in control, then she feels like a fish out of water. Emotionally unavailable people rarely like to step out of their comfort zone. In their heads, everything should be exactly how they want it.

Ultimately, this stems from low self-esteem. It makes her behave in ways that are not healthy. She’s always trying to be the one who is in control of the relationship – she decides when you meet, where you meet, and how often you talk. It’s not often that you get to decide.

“Fairness” is another word that isn’t in her vocabulary.

3. She refuses to meet friends and family

Meeting the people closest to you would require some level of commitment on her part, and that’s something that she’s not ready for. Chances are, she never will be ready to commit to you.

You might be keen to introduce her to the parents, but she’s on a different page than you. She likes the casualness of your relationship. Taking the next step and meeting the important people in your life would require some emotional maturity, so that’s simply out of the question.

Emotionally unavailable people are commitment-phobes and that’s something that you can’t change.

2. She’s evasive

When you ask her questions about her personal life, does she answer or does she quickly change the subject? It comes down to the fact that she doesn’t want you to know too much about her past. It could be that she’s hiding something. Either way, you probably won’t find out.

Emotionally unavailable people like to keep themselves to themselves. They keep their past, fears, and dreams in their own heads where they feel it belongs.

Have you noticed that she’s always on her guard? Does she leave out important details about her life? In a way, she’s protecting herself from getting too intimate with you. And that makes it near impossible to sustain a relationship.

1. She wants it to be perfect

It’s got to be perfect. Nothing more. Nothing less. She has expectations of her “ideal” partner and relationship that she expects you to meet. If you do one thing that she’s not happy with, then she’s already using that as an excuse as to why she’ll never commit to you.

If she’s constantly finding flaws in you and trying to shape you into the “perfect” partner, then you’ve already lost the battle. All of this means that she’s purposely finding problems to avoid intimacy.

Even though it seems like it’s about you, it’s actually a personal thing. She’s looking for perfectionism but she’ll never find it. Unfortunately, it’s a sign that there’s no future for you as a couple.