After interviewing several retired police officers we found out that they have some crazy stories to share. We have narrowed these true stories down to our favourite 26 to share with you. Whether you find stories about drug busts gone wrong, prostitutes barking up the wrong tree, or taser disasters fascinating, you will enjoy these for sure.

We’ve all seen numerous police theme dramas on television. And, we have seen reality t.v. shows about cops in the field. However, we have never heard real life stories from these community of policemen and policewomen themselves. So much happens out in the line of fire and these men and women put themselves at risk to protect the innocent. This is not uncommon news. But, what about the embarrassing or disturbing events that take place that we never hear about? Here are the funniest, craziest, and most bizarre stories shared with us.

25. Dude Lost His Head: Kansas’s Boys in Blue

“June 2000, got a call of a dead body found behind a business. I showed up on scene, and looked inside the dumpster. When I looked into the dumpster I saw a male body missing his head. After making contact with several people of the family we learned who his best friend was. Went and picked his best friend up, and took him to homicide for an interview. Under Miranda he claimed he got upset because his friend had a blunt and refused to share it with him.

Consequently, he got angry and stabbed his friend. When he realized what he did, he attempted to chop up the body, but said he was so high he got too tired and decided to drop the body into a dumpster. After we were done interviewing him we returned to the briefing room, and began talking about charges. While speaking I looked at the camera and said, “WHAT THE F***!” He was jerking off in the interview room. Ultimately, he tried to plea insanity, but was convicted of murder instead.”

24. Free Ballin: Kansas’s Boys in Blue

“So, I’m sitting at a high traffic intersection monitoring the 4-way stop looking for a good vehicle to stop. This is one of the only side streets which actually run from all the way East to West in our city. Out of nowhere a car runs the stop sign at 50 mph. I hit my overhead lights and the chase is on. The chase changes to “on foot” and requires several fences to jump. Due to the summer heat and myself being a warm bodied person, I chose to wear a jock support opposed to boxer shorts.

As I was jumping the third fence I felt a scratch on my inner upper thigh. Sure enough, I caught my pants on the wire fence. I knew I had ripped my pants, but didn’t give up on pursuit. As I tackled the suspect I maneuvered my body on top of his and stood up bending over him as I slapped the handcuffs on. One of the officers coming to my aid said, “Holy SHIT MAN! YOU’RE NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR?” It wasn’t even worth explaining!”

23. Unstable Death Trap: Chicago’s Police Force

“My partner and I were called to a “Sudden Death”. First, we walk upstairs to take a look at the hospice orders so we can clear the young female to be taken by the funeral home. When they come to get the body the male on the main level begins to become irrational, and runs to the top of the stairs where my partner and I meet him. I ask the male if we can walk downstairs and talk to him so we can get info on when he found his wife etc. At that moment he says he isn’t leaving till he sees his wife again. He attempts to push through us and doing so causes a firefighter to fall down the stairs.

I reached for my Taser, but at that moment the Taser was struck from my hand. As it hit the ground one of the firefighters came out of the bedroom. He knew we couldn’t secure it and hold this guy at the same time. So, the fireman kicks the Taser down the stairs, thinking he’s helping us. At that moment, what we think happened was the static electricity from sliding across the carpet caused the Taser to deploy. One probe hit the large male subject, and the other one hit me…right in the scrotum. At that moment we both went limp and my partner secured the subject with handcuffs.”

22. Burning the Midnight Oil: Kansas’s Boys in Blue

“It was 3 a.m. and our supervisors had told us to go somewhere and park for the night. They didn’t want us out driving around because we had just received about 12 inches of snow and the streets were slick. My partner and I went to a school that was located on her route and we’re hanging out with other officers going “car to car.” A few officers had worked part-time jobs during the day and were tired, rotating taking short naps. My partner was asleep behind the steering wheel and I was talking to another guy next to me in his car.

Next thing I know I begin to smell what I thought was smoke. I asked the guy sitting next to me, “Do you smell smoke?” He said, “No… It’s probably just fireplaces burning or trash cans burning in the hood.” All of a sudden, I looked down and saw an orange glow underneath the dashboard​of our patrol car. It dawned on me, “Holy SHIT the car is on fire.” I yelled to my partner, “MIKE the car is on fire!” All the drivers of each car were sleeping; “Car-to-car” which means every door is blocked by a squad car. Eventually, I was able to wake everyone up. The fire department said the computer wiring, and heater blowing all night somehow caused an electrical fire.”

21. Graveyard Radio Codes: Colorado’s State Patrol

“Working a slow graveyard shift up in the mountains I had stopped a suspicious vehicle and called for back-up. Surprisingly, over the radio you heard my partner say, ” I copy, show me in route, ahh F*ck!!!!” and then dead silence. The dispatcher quickly got on the radio and asked “4-2, are you code 4?” At that point I knew that every cop in the County was in suspense, waiting… everything was put on hold… My partner replied back he was out of breath and you could hear the lingering fear in his voice. He stuttered “affirm, I am… code 4, I thought… I hit an animal, but I… didn’t…”

He assisted me on my stop, but the entire time he was distracted and had appeared as if he had seen a ghost. After clearing the stop, he told me what happened. It turns out several kids made several oversized cardboard cut-outs of realistic looking animals and placed them on various mountain roads. My partner drove me by the one he saw. As I stood over the cut out, I could not stop from laughing at my partner….and the situation. In my book the kids should get a “get out of jail” free card due to their great creativity.”

20. Crazy Patients Need Love Too: Vancouver’s P.D.

“I pulled over a little silver car about a month ago. The girl gave me her license and registration and proof of insurance. She told me that I was HOT and I thanked her. Needless to say, I asked her if she had had anything to drink tonight. She said yes and went on to describe that she had 2 long neck orange crushes. Because I never heard of these before, I asked her what that was. Her simple reply, “soda”. Then, I pull her out of the car and asked if I could search for weapons and drugs.

I called for some much needed assistance when an unnecessary tap on my butt shocked the heck out of me. She leaned in for a kiss and said, “Officer Joe, you Are So F****** HOT, will you marry me?” Wow. In handcuffs now she won’t drop her story. Next, I popped her trunk and low and behold her trunk is full of awkward sex toys. She yells to me that those could be used for us. YIKES! Turns out the girl (she was 18 and I’m 45) broke out of a psychiatric hospital. OH GREAT!!!??”

19. The Joke’s on the Clown: Ohio’s Finest

“On a Sunday afternoon I was dispatched to a residential area for a report of a disturbance in which someone was breaking the windows out of a vehicle. As I arrived I saw what looked like Ronald McDonald (of McDonald’s) slinging a Louisville slugger on a vehicle in this driveway. I mean red hair, blue nose, makeup and size 42 shoes. When “Ronald” saw my unit he dropped the bat and began to run. I got out of my unit and looked around like it was a joke, thinking I was being punked.

I soon realized by the looks from the neighbours that it wasn’t a joke and advised dispatch that the suspect was running south as I reluctantly started jogging after him. I repeatedly, ignored the dispatcher who wanted a description of the suspect. As I turned the corner I observed a Ford Fiesta parked in a driveway with red and yellow size 42 shoes hanging out of the side. After several requests for him to come out, I finally had to drag him out by his shoes and cuff him. As I walked back to my unit with “Ronald” in cuffs, I saw several children on bicycles on the sidewalk. While passing the children, they all of them gave me a thumbs down and began to BOOOOOO!”

18. A Priest’s Plea For Grace: Alabama Cops

“Once I get a traffic stop on an individual when I got up to the car I realized it was a priest from one of my parishes that was on my beat. After the DUI van showed up we were talking and he asked if he could pray with me. I thought it was really sweet that he said he wanted to pray with me and over me and so we begin to pray.

Halfway through the prayer he looked up towards the sky and said, “Dear father please fill this officer with the grace to not give me a DUI on this night, bless him and keep him safe, amen.” I felt really guilty about giving him a DUI but I had no choice so needless to say father went to jail that night.”

17. Double the Trouble: California Sheriff’s Dept

“I have two sons that are Sheriff’s Deputies in CA. The younger of the two had pulled a guy over for speeding. He gave the guy a lecture then gave him the ticket. Of course, the guy was really mad about getting a ticket and complained that he had received a ticket for speeding in another town about 100 miles away. That cop, too, had given him the same speech and he had told the cop to, “Save it for someone who cares.”

My son started laughing and when the idiot asked him why he thought it was so funny, he replied, “Because, that other cop is my brother.” Now how many people can brag that they were ticketed by two different cops in two different towns 100 miles apart, and the cops turned out to be brothers?”

16. How Now Brown Cow: North Carolina Deputies

“I was the Sargent of the small jailhouse in a county in western North Carolina. It was a slow Sunday morning. The deputies were in the office reading the paper and just chit chatting when I get a call on the land line. It was the dispatcher on the line, and she wanted to know if there was a deputy there. I told her there was. She continued to share that she had a call about a naked man chasing a cow across a pasture.

However, she did not want to give out the information over the radios. So, I sent a couple of deputies to scope out what was going on at the pasture. Everyone was dying to see this guy brought in. But then, a call came over the radio, “Man not found, cow not talking”. I thought it was a great line and still laugh about it till this day!”

15. Should Have Stayed Home: United Kingdom P.D.

“I am a police officer in the UK. One night a few years back, I get called about a male trying to kick in the front door of a house. Essentially, this house did not belong to this man. Upon my arrival, he is sitting in the porch, drunk as a skunk and having lost control of his bladder. Apart from that he is no problem and there was no damage to the front door.

Naturally, on go my gloves and I ask him for proof of identification. He struggles to his feet and puts his hand in his jeans pocket. He pulls out something and says, “Can you hold this whilst I get my wallet from under it?” Mindlessly, he places a large bag of cocaine in my hand. The drunken realization of what he had just given to me was priceless. You should have seen his face!”

14. Neighbourhood Prostitute: California’s L.A.P.D.

“I bet every cop out there, at least in big cities, has dealt with the neighbourhood prostitute. Sure she is a street walker, but mostly she is just a bit mental, and usually likes to talk to the police as often as possible. (Lonely? I’m not sure). Always a wave and a smile, with those few teeth left. Ours goes by the name of Chrissie.

Last week she waves me and my partner down in the squad car. “I got ripped off! I was raped!” “What happened, Chrissie?” “This guy I work with had sex with me and didn’t pay. That’s rape, right officers?” “It can be, Chrissie. Where did it happen?” “Where did it happen?” She gestures to her crotch. “Right here in my ——-” You ask a stupid question.”

13. Small Town Dispatcher: Oklahoma Trainee

“I’m not a cop, just a small town dispatcher (the agency had & has only one person for both phones and radios). 34 yrs ago when I was first hired, training was five days on the job but on the 5th day my trainer watched T.V. the whole 8 hours. In general, I’d been given a short list of commonly used Penal Code (PC) sections to memorize which commenced training.

During my second week I got a call for a crime which had just occurred. I put it out on the air, “288 PC just occurred at [address].” I could hear both of my units kick on their sirens and go in route. I thought I’d better give some additional info as they thought the call was important enough to run with lights and sirens, so added, “It occurred to a toolbox in a front yard.” The sirens went quiet and then my sergeant asked over the radio, “Confirming it was a 488 PC, petty theft?” It turns out that 288 PC was oral copulation!!”

12. Who’s Got My Back?: South Carolina Island Patrol

“During the first several years that I was on the Sheriff’s Department I worked both the Beaufort side of the county and the Hilton Head side. Due to the department being so small, the three of us sheriffs learned how to handle calls solo. I received a disturbance call to a duplex apartment complex. The neighbours said it sounded like a fight was going on next door. There were about twenty units in this complex. It was early evening and when I arrived I found about half the residents outside in their yards watching what was going on.

Without a second to blink, a man followed a woman out of an apartment crying with blood gushing from her face. As I turned to apprehend the man, he took off running, right into the crowd of neighbours. I thought surely someone would stop him. But, no, they all parted and made room down the middle of the crowd. I finally caught up to him and tackled him to the ground cuffing him. The crowd, looking dismayed, was watching like it was some evening entertainment. Whatever happened to assisting an officer in need?”

11. Don’t Bring A Knife To A Gun Fight: California L.A.P.D.

“Only in Las Angeles does this ever seem to happen. We were responding to a domestic violence call where the guy supposedly had a knife. While you never want to get complacent, cops do run hundreds of these every day across the nation. Nice neighbourhood, early evening, no big deal. About a block away from the call, in the middle of the street, we were shocked to see the couple.

The woman was on her back and covered with blood. The husband, straddling her mid-section, was repeatedly stabbing her in the chest. With each stab and removal, you could see blood coming off the knife. Holy crap. The first two officers in are absolute heroes. They secure the man; however, he started to stab himself when he saw the officers. HIMSELF! These two cops stopped a murder-suicide. Regardless, that story will never show up in the media, but the next time WE make a mistake, it’s FRONT PAGE NEWS!”

10. Keep Your Composure: Reno, Nevada Cops

“Sometimes police work requires a super-human effort to remain calm and professional. A partner and I responded to a domestic dispute. Female has packed all her belongings in large black plastic garbage bags, and she and the male are arguing intensely. The usual; who did what to whom, what belongs to who, etc. We try to calm the situation, but they are too focused on yelling at each other. Soon the male becomes concerned that the female may be taking his personal stuff, so he starts rummaging through the garbage bag-luggage. All of a sudden he stops, his eyes get wide and he yells, “What the hell is that?!”

As he reaches in the bag, her hand shoots past his and grabs the item as she replies, “That’s my dildo, because you don’t satisfy me!” To top it off, she continues yelling at him, and shaking the big rubber “thing” in his face. Believe it or not, my partner and I did not break up laughing until after we cleared the scene!!”

9. Kids Will Be Kids: New Jersey Po Po

“I have always thought that parents cause a lot of the problems for cops. We had this guy last night, all “spun” (street talk for methamphetamine). He almost got shot, because he was carrying a fake gun which looked real. He had this with him to protect himself from the invisible demons he saw only when high.

After arresting him, we talked to his “girlfriend.” She was 17. He was 37. That is bad enough, but when we called her dad to come pick her up from her home several hundred miles away, he was totally cool with this. “Kids do stuff, officer.” This kid “stuff” was taking a greyhound buss 200 miles to spend the night at a cheap ass motel with her 37 year old boyfriend. I wonder what her chances are of coming out a model citizen?”

8. Cartel No Show: Phoenix, AZ Officers

“In Phoenix, AZ looking for a murder suspect. We had a few local cops with us, but basically it was us. I was wearing jeans and a Hawaiian shirt; my partner was about the same. We pull up to a house where the suspect’s father lives. He says they guy is not home, so we ask for permission to search. He says sure. Once inside, we find no suspect… At the last minute, I see a body-sized duffel bag.

It is a long shot, but I show my partner the bag and we quietly agree that we should open it. I cover it with my .45, and my partner opens it. INSIDE: 350 pounds of cocaine. Bricked and ready to ship. The subsequent search shows this is a major drug packaging location. Unreal. About halfway home on the freeway it strikes me and my partner: We should be dead. That much dope should have been guarded by men with machine guns and they should have killed us on site. Sometimes you survive because of dumb ass luck.”

7. Are You Above The Law?: Southern CA State Patrol

“My wife and I are on the way to Vegas. We were, shall we say, flying a bit faster than necessary? We get pulled over by the Highway Patrol. Generally, not good news, even for a cop. They have been known to sign us up just like anyone else. In any case, the kind gentleman comes to the window, and I blurt out, “I’m a cop, but I am not armed.”

Stupid. His reply, “Then why tell me you are a cop?” Hmmmm, good question…probably because I don’t want a 500 dollar ticket and to lose my new car? I come up with “In case you find out on the computer and then think I might be armed…you know, a safety thing officer!” In any case, I get lucky. Stern warning only. By no means as a result of my quick thinking, I assure you.”

6. Rowdy Beer Bottles: Kansas’s Boys in Blue

“One morning around 1:30 my new partner and I headed to a disturbance at a Mexican bar. While in route we discussed parking a few blocks away from the club and sneaking in due to its violent reputation. While stopped and waiting for a train to pass, we heard popping noises. All of a sudden, our back window spider-webbed. Around the sixth pop the window completely shattered out. At that moment, my partner cranked the wheel all the way, SLAM, and our car did a 180.

To our surprise the pops we heard we’re not gunshots at all and our window was not shot out it was knocked out by full beer bottles! There were two trucks full of drunken guys fighting. As soon as I yelled at them to stop we became the target of the bottles.

All of this nonsense soon came to cease as a K-9 Officer showed up as well as several other units. I was just amazed that these idiots were so focused with anger they never noticed a police car sitting two vehicles ahead of them. They were not intending on hitting us but the beer bottles were flying so erratically it struck our patrol vehicle. We felt kind of silly afterwards thinking it was gunshots, but then again who knew.”

5. Real Jewelry Or Faux?: Boston P.D.

“I am working a two-man car with a good friend. That is when this job is at its best. Good buddy, hot coffee, laughing all night. I can’t believe they pay us for those nights. We get sent to an old lady’s mansion. She says someone broke in and robbed her. The place looks pristine, and we are wondering what she is talking about. She walks us to the safe in the bedroom. “Right this way, young men…” Once inside she shows us about $500,000 worth of jewelry. Diamonds, rubies, gold, even a signed invitation to Richard Nixon’s ball at the White House on his first night as president.

She then orders us to take it all away. Now. She says the robbers took all her real stuff and substituted this fake jewelry and she wants it out. Now I was catching on. We had a moment and then called her emergency contact. I guess her dementia was getting worse. It was a shame, actually. Her nephew said since her husband died she just kept slipping away. We locked the safe and said our farewells.”

4. One In Custody, Another on The Run:  NYPD Homicide Dept

“I am a homicide detective in a pretty bad area. We were just returning to the station from picking up a murder suspect. We had him in custody, so all was good. My partner and I heard a gunshot or two from the south. We turned south and drove in that direction. Cops turn in that direction, even though our wives and moms aren’t hot on the concept. As we turned south there is a suspect about 19 years old standing on the sidewalk. He is still shooting; this time at us! Three or four rounds.

First time in many years as a cop that I saw the recoil and the smoke and knew the bullets were coming my way. I decided no time to shoot so I gunned the car to run the little bastard over. He must have seen the crazy eyes or something because he ran. We caught him around the block. No gun, of course. He managed in just 30 seconds to pass it to a friend. That is why he gave up. As we stopped him at gunpoint I put it pretty simple. “If you move. If you move at all, I will F******* kill you. Understand?”

3. Falling Asleep During A Drug Bust: Detroit, MI Police

“Parking nearby an apartment complex notorious for heavy narcotic sales, we noticed these individuals had their game down. So good that people would walk by and just stick their money through a small opening in the screen to one of the apartments and in return they would get their baggie of crack cocaine, meth, or heroin. After determining which apartment the sales were going through we entered the building. After about 3 minutes we knocked on the door. Someone came to the door, opened it, and immediately through the crack of the door and door frame I could see the drugs, scale and baggies laying on the table right inside the door.

I and another officer forced entry and ordered everybody on the ground. As we looked at each other and we’re placing people into custody we noticed that we couldn’t find Mike. Our third officer was nowhere to be found at that time. After we placed all three suspects in custody we found Mike lying against the wall with his eyes closed.

Mike’s​wife had just given birth to a new baby boy. This was the first few days that the child had been home and apparently wasn’t sleeping through the night. While we were making our arrests, we didn’t notice that Mike had sat down for just a brief minute. Nothing excuses the fact that an officer’s safety was very poor. He actually fell asleep sitting up!”

2. Burglary With a Rush: California Partners In Crime

“Responding to a burglary call to a building has always been a target for theft due to the numerous computers and laptops inside. When I got there, I walked to the front of the business and check the door. My partner decided to go down the stairwell to the basement and check another door, so I proceeded around to the back of the building. I remember rounding the corner with my flashlight and gun in my hand and as I scanned my flashlight across the few parked cars that we’re still in the parking lot. Noticing a pickup truck with foggy windows I put my gun on the truck and radioed dispatch to send back-up.

As I was approaching the truck ignition starts and the driver gunned the accelerator peeling out right towards me. I jumped out of the way and put my gun towards the driver and ordered him to stop. He threw the truck and drive and began to drive off out of the parking lot. Chasing the suspect on foot down the side street into an alley, it was stopped by another unit blocking the exit. Good thing he stopped. We made the arrest and my heart pounded for an hour afterward!”

1. Stop Light or Cop Lights: California Highway Patrol

“I have been on the California Highway Patrol for 15 years. It’s pretty typical that during a traffic stop, other drivers will pull over and park behind my cruiser and ask for directions or need assistance with something else. So one of these times, later at night, I have a car stopped for speeding. As I am writing the driver a ticket, a blue SUV pulls over and parks right behind me.

Naturally, I headed over to the SUV after finishing writing the ticket for the first car and the conversation goes like this: Me – “Is there something that I can help you with tonight sir?” SUV driver – “No thanks officer, just waiting for the light to change.” It becomes apparent quickly that this guy is drunk off his rocker. He actually thought the multi-coloured lights on my police cruiser were some sort of stop light. Needless to say, I booked him for a DUI.”