It doesn’t take a love doctor to know when a woman wants to be kissed. Sometimes she’ll bat her eyelashes at you and lean across the table, getting her mouth as close to yours as possible. Other times she’ll tell you outright, “Kiss me. Right now.” Even rarer still is the woman who will pull you in by the collar and kiss you herself. These signs are easy as pie to read, but before she’s figured out whether or not she wants to kiss you – and let me tell you, it’s always her decision – you might not have a clue what’s going on in her mind.

Don’t fret. There are ways to turn the tables in your favor. There are certain things that women are just hardwired not to be able to resist, the key is knowing them. Now, never forget that all women are individuals and some things will work better with your hot waitress than they will with jogger rocking yoga pants that runs in your neighborhood every day, but in general, these things are so universal that you’ll have one of those ladies in the palm of your hand faster than you can say, “Porque no los dos?” Study these eight things that will make her melt. Seriously, make flashcards. But be careful. I’ve also got seven things that will make her run far away from you. It’s a balancing act, boys. Don’t be afraid to walk that tightrope.

15. Yes: Running Your Fingers Through Her Hair

Intimacy comes in many forms, and one surefire way to turn her to butter is to run her fingers through her hair. Trust me. This one simple act will turn her from cold to hot like an ice cream cone on a warm summer’s day. The comforting, repetitive motion on such a sensitive part of her body will have her curled up like a cat in your lap. A back or foot massage is always welcome, too, but rubbing her scalp uses half the energy with while yielding the same results. There’s just something incredibly soothing about the entire experience that makes her feel safe and happy, and she’ll associate that feeling with whoever is doing it to her. And, lucky for you, she’ll probably want to return to return the favor in some way.

14. Yes: Liking Her Friends

To shamelessly quote the Spice Girls, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” The song might be over twenty years old now (yup, parts of the 90s are two decades in the past), but the lyrics still hold up. First of all, if she’s introducing you to her friends, that’s a big deal. You’ve already got an in, pal, so don’t mess it up. Her friends mean the absolute world to her and whether you like it or not, their opinions matter. She won’t hesitate to agree with her BFF who says you gave her the cold shoulder. Good news is, this works in reverse. Impress her girls and they’ll give you a glowing endorsement that will only make her even more into you. Want to know the secret? Treat her friends like your friends and she’ll treat you like more than a friend.

13. Yes: Getting Along With Her Dog (Or Cat, Or Bird, Or Pet Rock)

Now that you’ve made a name for yourself with her girls, it’s time to spoil her pup silly. Your goal is to make that dog happier to see you than he is to see her. She’ll melt every time Fluffy jumps into your arms to give you kisses when you come over to visit, and hopefully, puppy love won’t be the only kind of attention you’ll get that night. Dogs aren’t just man’s best friend. When all the other guys leave her high and dry, Fluffy’s the one she goes home to at night. That pup is like her living, breathing security blanket. Stick around, offer to pet sit, and treat that pooch as well as you treat her. She doesn’t need another dog in her life, she needs a man. Cuddle up with her pup and you’ll stay out of the doghouse and in her bed.

12. Yes: Touch Her!

I know what you’re thinking. This one’s obvious. But hear me out. What I mean is take every opportunity, big and small, to make contact with her. Grab her hand when you’re walking to the bar. Hug her from behind while she’s cooking you dinner. Nibble on her ear while you guys pick out what Netflix show to watch. Even something as simple as brushing her hand with yours at the dinner table will do that trick. She’ll be fixated on wondering if you meant to touch her, or if it was an accident. Either way, she’ll want you to do it again. It’s these small acts that wrap her even more tightly around your finger each time. A woman wants to feel wanted. She wants to know that a guy can’t keep his hands off of her, even when they’re out in public. Since hooking up in men’s rooms isn’t for everybody, this is your next best bet. You want her to stay interested, don’t you? Then show her that you are.

11. Yes: Introduce Her To Your Friends

More than anything, she wants to feel like she’s a part of your world. So let her in already! Introducing her to your friends means you want people to know about what an amazing woman you’ve snagged yourself. This is one of those occasions where it’s okay, even encouraged, to show her off. She wants to impress your pals with her charisma and effortless wit just as much as you want her to. She’d do whatever it takes to make them like her because she knows it’s important to you. Give her the chance to show them what she’s got, and what you’ve got, and she won’t disappoint. And don’t worry about your friends wanting a shot with her. She knows what she wants. Take it as a compliment that your girl is in demand and rest assured that the supply is going only to you.

10. Yes: Don’t Forget About Her Other Parts

I know you know what I’m talking about. Those parts. Her lovely lady lumps, her cave of wonders, her salt shaker. I think you get it. I know these are your go-tos – and don’t get me wrong, you should definitely go to them – but I can almost guarantee she’s waiting for you to remember the rest of her beautiful bod. Her neck, her ears, the backs of her knees are just a handful of the nearly infinite possibilities. Think of her as a hotter version of the game Operation, except in this game if she makes a noise it’s a good thing. The classics are classics for a reason, but Columbus would never have discovered America if he didn’t get out there and explore. There’s no shame in getting a little lost on the way, in fact, I encourage it. Who knows what you’ll find?

9. Yes: Setting Goals…And Reaching Them

It’s no secret that ambition is attractive. Nobody wants to get with someone who’s going nowhere in life. She’s not a gold digger, don’t worry. She’s not after your money and jewels, she just wants to know that you care enough about something that you’re willing to work for it. What that translates to in her mind is that you have the capacity to care enough about her to work for your relationship. Trying to get through the newest season of Bojack Horseman in one day doesn’t count as a goal either, buddy. This is real-life stuff. Start writing a novel. Earn a promotion at work. Volunteer at the local animal shelter. Want to know another non-secret? The more altruistic the goals are, the harder she’ll fall for you. Show her how selfless you are and she’ll want to give you all the things you didn’t even have to ask for. 

8. Yes: Really Listening To Her

Can you hear me now? Can you really hear me? One guaranteed way to kill the mood is by uttering the simple but deadly phrase, “Hm, what?” This will get her steamed in a bad way. A lot of guys are often at a loss for why their girl is peeved off at them. Nine out of ten times a situation like that can be avoided by just listening to her. Let me let you in on something that you might not be aware of. Women often say exactly what they want from you and how they feel with their words. Shocking, I know. What a concept! Despite the common misconception, ladies aren’t as complicated as guys seem to think they are. The difference between a happy GF and one that makes you sleep on the couch is as simple as listening to her when she vents about work. It’s not that difficult to remember that Vanessa from accounting is a bossy know-it-all, is it?

7. No: Liking Her Friends…Too Much

Ready for the what-not-to-do portion of this list? We’ll start off easy by turning one of the to-dos on its head. Yes, you want to befriend her hens, but there’s a line between friendly and flirty. Compliment her pals, but keep it platonic. You don’t want her thinking that you’ve got eyes for her best friend from high school, do you? Not only does that put a rift in your relationship, but you’re also chipping away at their years-long friendship. That’s a major no-no. You want to turn her to putty, not her friends. Don’t get greedy. I know this sounds like a balancing act, but stay on her side of the line and you’ll stay on her good side.

6. No: Turning Away From Her In Bed

Alright, you’ve had your fun and now you’re tired. I get it, but does she? The answer’s no. She may enjoy bumping nasties just as much as you do, but she also enjoys some tender loving care after the fact. If you’ve given her what she needs, and deserves, then her body’s going to be relaxed and sensitive as all get out. Reach over and rub her back, run your hands through her hair (see entry number one), or pull her in close to you. Laying lifelessly next to her just won’t cut it. She wants to feel you next to her. Nothing’s worse than being intimate with someone and then watching that intimacy drain from the room once the deed is done. Kiss her on the forehead and go along with whatever pillow talk she’s feeling that night, afternoon, morning or whenever you got down you lucky duck. You got yours, now give her hers.

5. No: A Messy Room

I can’t believe I even have to mention this one. Once you move out of your parents’ house, and god help us if you’re still living there, you are expected to be a grown man and clean your room on the regular. Nothing turns a girl off faster than wading through your dirty laundry to get to your bed. An ocean of garbage is not what she wants to see when you’re rocking her boat. Clean up after yourself! The floor of your closet is not a laundry hamper and your nightstand isn’t a garbage can. If the only thing on your bookshelf is a collection of empty beer bottles, don’t bother shooting your shot. You will miss. Clear a path for her or else she won’t think twice about turning on her heel and walking back to her own nice, clean, adult apartment. Alone.

4. No: Keeping An Online Dating Profile

Sure, you don’t know if she’s the one, but you won’t find that out if you’re swiping left and right when you should be getting to know her. It’s fine to keep your options open, but if you’re really trying to lock her down then exchanging gifs with the twenty-five-year-old bartender who’s less than a mile away is out of the question. Yeah, it seems like harmless fun, but let’s see how fun it is when you leave your phone unlocked one day and your OkCupid profile pic is staring back at her. I’m not saying to wipe your single life completely off the internet. Disable the profile and delete the app. You can always get them back if things go sour. The bottom line is you either want to be with this girl, or you don’t. Make a choice before she swipes left on you.

3. No: Not Having A Personal Relationship With Personal Hygiene

I’m talking to you, Mr. Dirty Room. Brush your teeth. Shower more than once a week. Yes, that does mean actually washing your feet instead of just letting the water do its best. She doesn’t smell as good as she does by rinsing off every couple of days. Trust me. I’m not saying you have to don a freshly pressed suit and manscape your junk into a heart shape or anything. Just take care of yourself. A slovenly swain is not a suitable match for a sugar scrubbed and fresh breathed miss. If you don’t want her to roll straight out of bed at the smell of you then do something about it. It’s as easy as buying a bar of soap. Think of it as your golden ticket into Charlize’s Chocolate Factory – not transferable, redeemable for cash, or exchangeable for any other prize.

2. No: Making Something Else A Priority

Put down the Playstation controller and take her out to dinner dangit. If she sees you giving more attention to a distraught elven maiden than to her, she’s going to pack up her magic wand and leave. She understands that you’re a busy man, but there’s no excuse for playing one last game of Madden when she’s laying on your bed wearing her laciest lingerie. You can pause the game, but you can’t pause her. The same goes for work. “Wait a second, what about my goals?” I hear you saying. I know, I know. I told you she likes an ambitious guy, but have you ever heard of a thing called work-life balance? Leave it in the office. When you get home she expects you to be all about her. Give her what she wants. Most of the time it’s something you want too. It won’t kill you to put down the spreadsheets and spread her out on your sheets.

1.  No: Being A Stage-Five Clinger

This might feel counterintuitive, but if you’re trying to get your hands on her, leave her alone. That’s right. Giver her space and she won’t want any. An independent woman doesn’t want to be smothered by her man. Supported, yes. Seduced, double yes. But stifled? No thank you. It’s up to you to know when she wants you there and when it’s better if you leave (cough, listen, cough). Needing her alone time doesn’t mean she isn’t into you. It just means that she needs her alone time. A guy that recognizes that will get all the time he deserves. Take advantage of this time to unpause Madden or work on your novel. It won’t be long before she can’t take it anymore and shows up on your doorstep in nothing but a trenchcoat. Unwrap her like the gift she is. You earned it.