Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

Well, actually, it could be the person you’re sharing your bed with. Yes, that’s right! That person with whom you’ve invested all your hopes and dreams might be telling you all the things you want to hear, but, if they’re a narcissist, they will only ever have one true love – themselves.

Dating a narcissist can be all kinds of fun. And, in the early honeymoon phase, that’s precisely the problem. Keeping you hooked on a diet of constant exhilaration, the narcissist will shower you with the kind of attention you’ve only ever seen in movies. But, be warned. There’s a catch. And, it could be a life-changing one.

The trouble with dating a narcissist is that you sometimes don’t realize you actually are dating a narcissist. Reality becomes blurred. In the early stages, while you’re busy being swept off your feet, you become blind to the giant rollercoaster you’ve been catapulted onto. And, while most of us enjoy that particular cheap thrill, the rollercoaster a narcissist has in store is a whole lot scarier than anything you could have imagined.

Sure, going out with a narcissist might be red hot fun in the honeymoon phase, but it can quickly turn into a red hot nightmare.

In this article, we’re giving you a heads up. Here are 15 signs you’re dating a narcissist.

15. They’ve Got a Problem with Authority

Having a problem with authority is a trait that many narcissists share. And, it’s easy to see why. A narcissist views him or herself as the centre of all things. He or she is always the most important person in any room. Got it?

As such, anyone who is deemed to be in a higher position in life will be viewed with extreme, and often, aggressive distaste. How dare that doctor speak to me in such a way! How dare those police officers think they have power over me!

Rule number in narcissist land: I know best. Now and forever.

14. They’re Super Confident

Confidence is a good thing, right? Don’t we all aspire to be more confident in our day-to-day lives? Sure we do. But, how much is enough? For a narcissist, there is no such thing as too much.

A narcissist will generally display over-the-top confidence, even in the smallest of circumstances. This is because he or she has constructed a self-built reality, one where protecting old wounds, and vanquishing old hurts comes at the cost of everything else.

The narcissist will appear super confident, but, in reality, that confidence is built on a hill of sand. To maintain it, they will constantly build themselves up. Sadly, this usually means tearing others down – including you.

13. They Talk About Themselves – All the Livelong Day!

When you’re in the presence of a narcissist, you’ll be hard pressed to get a word in edgeways. And, if you do, you’ll find the conversation gets hijacked quickly. This is because narcissists like to talk. It tends to fill their needy soul with self-importance. And, their favourite topic of conversation? Themselves, of course!

Narcissists are so self-obsessed, their number one topic of conversation is themselves. It’s all about what they want. How they feel. Where they’re headed. It’s constant. It’s incessant. It’s all the time.

If you find yourself exhausted after spending time with your partner, or if you routinely feel your energy has been zapped with their drama and their issues, chances are you’re dating a narcissist.

12. They Must Get Their Way

Many narcissists are so imbued with their own sense of self-importance, anything that threatens that is deemed as a slight. Hearing the word “no” is not something a narcissist can tolerate. After all, how could you say “no” to them?

If your partner always insists on calling your shots, gets irritated when you make your own decisions, or throws a temper tantrum when he or she doesn’t get their own way, consider that a major red flag.

Healthy relationships have healthy boundaries. If your partner is stomping over yours, it might be time for a rethink.

11. They Dominate Every Room

In the parallel universe where the narcissist lives, everything and everyone is a source of fuel for the wounded ego that lives within. You know those quiet people at a party? Or the people having fun in the corner? The narcissist is the polar opposite to these people – even if he or she is part of such a group.

Anyone for the loudest person in the room? There’s your narcissist right there. Every encounter, every conversation, every room is there to be owned and dominated. If your partner has a pathological thirst for the spotlight, you might be with a narcissist and not even know it.

10. They’re Too Good to Be True

If you’re dating a narcissist, the danger is you can become too involved before you realize what’s truly going on. Because they’re big, brash and bold, narcissists can seem alluring to the unsuspecting admirer. In the early stages, a narcissist will shower you with an endless amount of charm, wit, intelligence and romance. But, there’s a catch. With a narcissist, there’s always a catch.

Think of a narcissist as you would any good salesperson. Once they’ve closed the deal and got you hooked, the charm quickly disappears. Remember: things that seem too good to be true, unfortunately usually are.

9. They Don’t Do Intimacy

With a narcissist, you might feel that you are in a relationship with them, but they will never truly be in a relationship with you. A narcissist is never really in a relationship with anyone other than themselves. They are not truly interested in you. Rather, he or she is interested in what can be extracted from you. That might be your love, your time, your emotions, or your body.

If you’re dating a narcissist, you will always find yourself wondering where the intimacy is in your relationship. Here’s the rub. Narcissists don’t do real intimacy. They are so consumed with fulfilling their own inner emptiness that they cannot create true intimacy in any other relationship.

8. They Can’t Show Empathy

Narcissists are that rare breed of people who simply cannot and will not care about your feelings – however much you plead with them to. Perhaps, even worse than that, a narcissist will never try to put themselves in your shoes. They are entirely incapable of empathy.

Because you are a pawn in the narcissist’s game, you exist purely to serve his or her grandiose image of themselves. As such, they can never understand your point of view, nor will they care to try.

A narcissist will always put themselves and their feelings first. You and your thoughts, feelings, or concerns, won’t even come a distant second.

7. They Need Instant Gratification

Most of us remember the character Veruca Salt in the film, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. She was the spoiled brat who wanted what she wanted and she wanted it, now! Because the world of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory is fair and just, Veruca ends up in a garbage chute. Not so in the real world.

A narcissist is very much like Veruca. They want your time, your attention, your heart, your soul, and they want it right now! And, if they don’t get it? Well, hell hath no fury like a narcissist scorned. If you think this sounds like your partner, do yourself a favour and reach for the garbage chute.

6. They Love You…They Love You Not

You’re the greatest. No, you are! No, you are! Sound familiar? If it does, listen up!

Narcissists are notorious for being wildly inconsistent in relationships, and that inconsistency can have a huge effect on you, the undeserving recipient. One day they tell you that you’re the greatest human to ever grace the world, the next you’re one level lower than pond scum.

If you find yourself developing whiplash on the regular from simply trying to figure out where you stand, you might be dating a narcissist. In this case, the best that you can do is to understand that you can never save the narcissist, and should instead save yourself!

5. They’re Quite Moody

Narcissists are amongst the moodiest people on planet earth, and they have no problem projecting those moods onto their unsuspecting partner. Once they are in great form, the world will run smoothly, and you’ll probably have a good day together. But, if they aren’t? Well, all bets are off.

Like moths to a flame, narcissists attract conflict, drama, sadness, and despair. If you happen to be dating one, they will drag you into conflict and drama without you even realizing it. The trick here is to notice this early on in the relationship. Are you walking on egg shells around your partner? Do you find yourself wondering when constant drama became a part of your life?

Wonder no more, my friend. It’s time to cut those ties.

4. They’re Adored by Others – Or so they Think

Narcissists have insulated themselves so well from the negative opinions of others, that everyone they meet is immediately placed into two distinct categories: Either they love and admire the narcissist to the point of overflowing, or they are consumed with rancid, incurable jealousy. This is a fantasy constructed by the narcissist, and it is a world into which you have now stepped.

Remember, a relationship with a narcissist is never about “we,” it is always about “me.” You are simply someone else in the long list of admirers. When your role in this fine production is finished, you will be cast aside and replaced with another, more adoring character.

3. They Believe They’re Always Right

Admitting that they are wrong would be a mortal blow to the inflated ego of a narcissist. As such, you have a better chance of seeing a pig fly than you do of witnessing a narcissist truly apologize.

Even when they know they are wrong – perhaps, especially then – the narcissist will argue, deflect, and blame to distract from their own wrongdoing. How dare you! Everything is your fault. Okay?

In the narcissists world, the truth is what he or she says it is. Owning up to mistakes and admitting that you are wrong is for well-rounded, well-meaning grown-ups. Don’t expect that kind of behaviour from a narcissist. They’ll let you down. Every single time.

2. Their Words Speak Louder Than Actions

Narcissists can be impulsive with their words and their actions, but often they lack the ability to follow through. This results in broken promises, cancelled dates, spoiled plans, no shows and more.

You simply cannot rely on a narcissist to act in accordance with their words. Emotionally or physically, their inability to maintain consistent action is a true hallmark. So, if there is a distinct difference between what he or she says and what he or she does, you might be dating a narcissist. You will get to a point where you will be unable to trust anything that comes out of their mouth. What kind of relationship goal is that? Toss that narcissist to the curb!

1. They Put You and Others Down

As we know, the narcissist’s sense of superiority is always just a façade. Behind that booming confidence lies a wrecked and inadequate soul. To protect that inadequacy, the narcissist will put everyone around them down. Be careful that you don’t get caught up in the crossfire.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of vicious name calling and put downs, you might be dating a narcissist. And, be warned. It won’t always take the obvious course. The narcissist has a rich toolkit to work from. Putting you down can come in the form of passive aggressive comments, unhelpful suggestions, and playful “jokes.” If you find yourself always wondering why there’s something wrong with you, rest assured. It’s not you. It’s them.